George Michael and the Enneagram, Part 2

Sometime last year I had a very interesting discussion with “Yvonne” about George Michael’s typology in the Riso-Hudson Enneagram Personality System. She insisted that GM is a 4 with a 3 wing (“The Aristocrat”), while I felt very strongly that GM is a classic example of a 3 with a 4 wing (“The Professional”). You can read our initial discussion at: http://yogchick.blogspot.com/2006/09/gm-and-enneagram.html

I am too lazy to explain the Riso-Hudson Enneagram personality system here, but for those who are interested can Google it with ease. A simplified explanation of it can be found at their website: http://www.enneagraminstitute.com/

Rather than repeat my arguments from before, I will list below even more reasons why I strongly believe GM is a 3 with a 4 wing, “Professional” subtype. Yvonne, if you’re reading this, your comments and challenging disagreements are strongly encouraged and welcome!

1. EGO. This word alone is arguably the most used word by GM in his interviews and this has been the case for some time. It is important to remember that 3, the main type, is concerned mainly with achievement and recognition (the ego) and GM’s own lexicon strikingly reflects his concerns about accomplishment. Following are some quotes from a very recent interview:

“I knew that if I wanted my ego stroked, I could just stay in Europe …”

“…my ego is massive when it comes to what I do…”

“I’ve made so many stupid mistakes in the past, there’s bound to be movies made about me when I’m dead so I may as well write the script (book).”

“Deep down, my ego always thought that I would outlast a lot of people that I was competing against, but I didn’t think to this degree.”

Note that in this last quote, there’s a strong element of hubris and self-importance without any irony – a sign that at least a part of his psyche is extremely confident and self-satisfied to the point of smugness. This characteristic comes up frequently in his interviews, past and present, such as when he recently commented that as far as further pursuing acting goes, the opportunity to “get good at it” was definitely there for him. This is after a short stint playing himself on ELI STONE! The comment reveals a strong sense of confidence and optimism about oneself, as well as more than a hint of arrogance. After all, acting is a complex craft that cannot be mastered overnight. These traits are all very much a part of the way 3s think and operate. In fact, his quotes are classic, almost stereotypical, 3 examples.

Finally, as for the quote about movies being made about him … isn’t that a bit presumptuous? There’s a strong element of grandiosity and self-importance here as well. Are we to assume then that Steven Spielberg and Robert DeNiro are knocking on his door for movie rights?

2. PRESENTATION. GM may dress like slob in his private life (when he’s not “on”), but he never fails to dress impeccably whenever a public appearance is to be made. He truly dresses like the Professional his subtype is named after. This is in stark contrast to obvious 4/3s such as Michael Jackson, Prince, and Boy George, who make it their mission to express their individuality through flamboyance. Flamboyance would be considered “beneath them” by most 3/4s. This explains why GM hates looking at the day-glo attire from the Wham! Days – it just wasn’t dignified enough for a classic 3.

3. INTENSE PERFECTIONISM. In keeping with the Professional modus operendi, GM is a perfectionist in the studio and on stage. Everything has to be just right and if it takes 40 hours to get just that perfect cowbell sound, then that is what it takes. Perfectionism is more important to him than originality (a major value among 4s), and much of GM’s work is “constructed and tailored” as opposed to “created.” In other words, there’s a strong element of structuralism and construction to GM’s back catalogue that overrides his need for truly original music. GM is not a creator so much as he is an architect of various influences that he has studied arduously over the years since childhood. In at least one previous interview, GM has stated that he is not, to paraphrase, an original inventor so much as a practical songwriter whose accomplishments were reached mainly through hard work and study of other artists. This is not to say that his work is derivative, but he is not the uniquely visionary artist that, say, Bob Dylan and Joni Mitchell are (both are 4s). He is known, and always will be known, as a supreme pop music craftsman with a masterful understanding of how music is constructed. Typical of many 3s, in his professional career, he has surely done his homework.

4. NEED FOR POPULARITY. George Michael did not choose to become a classical musician, a folk singer, or blues guitarist. He did not “follow his muse” to get him where he is today but, rather, chose a genre of music (pop music) because he wanted to reach the most people. This was a very practical way to become “popular,” well-liked, and famous – all things 3s typically strive for. Singing folk ballads in near empty coffeehouses, while appealing to ultra-artistic 4s (the starving artists of the enneagram), has no appeal for someone like George Michael. George Michael wanted and still craves massive attention and the status symbol of a lucrative career – again, key components of the 3 mindset.

5. INTENSE AMBITION. He already knew he wanted to become a famous musician during his early childhood and, by his own admission, never entertained another thought since. 3s are arguably the most ambitious of all the subtypes (with the exception, perhaps, of 8s) and GM’s history bears this out. He wanted Wham! to be the biggest pop group of the 80s and they were. He wanted to be massive in America, alongside Madonna and Michael Jackson, at the mere age of 26 and he was. He had, before he was in his 30s, already achieved all of his major goals and ambitions through hard work and perseverance. Like many average to healthy 3s,he had no problem working tirelessly to get what he wanted. If he was a 4, he would not have had quite that much stamina, no matter how heavy the 3 wing.

6. POSITIVE IDENTIFICATION WITH MOTHER FIGURE. George Michael, like fellow 3 Elvis Presley, was extremely close to his mother and was, in fact, her favorite child. In the genetic explanation of Riso-Hudson, 3s identify positively with the mother figure of their early childhood. This is poignantly revealed in a comment he made in the documentary where he said, “[My mother] was the kind of mother who believed in her child probably more than any mother should believe in their child … and I miss that incredibly.” It is not surprising then that he went into severe depression after her death and this state lasted several years. His anchor was taken away from him abruptly and so much of his motivation (to make mother proud through achievement) was pulled out from under him. Finally, there is no indication that he had a conflicted identification with both parents – the genesis of the 4 personality type.

7. CONFUSION. George Michael is almost a 50/50 split between 3 and 4, but it is still my firm belief that he is primarily a 3 for the reasons stated above. Without any explanation, Riso-Hudson state that sometimes 3/4s behave outwardly more like 4s, but their underlying motivations are still 3-oriented. I believe this to be the case with George Michael. The hedonism and sometimes sloppy manner of dress would lead one to think that he is a 4, but it is important to remember that 3s often burn out by middle age and “get sloppy” … this is usually, however, a phase and eventually the 3 returns to form after a long professional hiatus. This is exactly what happened with George Michael. He disappeared for almost a decade to write memoirs and semi-retire and get some rest after his hyper-industrious 20s and early 30s, only to return with a new album and a massive European/World tour by the middle of this decade. His energy and ambitions are once again renewed and he has the tempered drive reminiscent of his early solo years.

8. DISINGENUOUSNESS. George Michael is very disingenuous and sly in his interviews, and it would not surprise me one bit if, with all the therapy he has had, he is aware of the Riso-Hudson Enneagram System. He seems uncannily aware of his 4 wing and uses it as a defense mechanism and camouflage of his true 3 self. That is, he pretends to not care, not try, and not intend (4) when just the opposite is the case. I believe he does this out of fear that he could fail and embarrass himself. Rather than deal with that possible humiliation, he pre-empts the possibility with an unambitious persona (4) so it looks like he could have done better if only he tried harder. This has recently been evidenced by comments he made about his European Tour (to paraphrase, he said he didn’t want the “party” atmosphere of the European Tour to be replicated in the North American Tour … possibly out of fear that there would be a tepid response during the North American Tour?). Similarly, he explained after his performance in this week’s American Idol that he had “a bit of a headcold” … presumably as cover for what he feared might have been a less than perfect performance? Finally, he repeatedly claims he wants to disappear after the tour (the deeply private aesthete of the 4), but since he has said this so many times in the past (only to resurface with a new CD/interview/tour), one wonders if he is only saying it in case his fame subsides in the future. He wants any “disappearance” to look intentional. If anything, I believe George Michael is actually addicted to own fame, an observation made by Simon Napier Bell, his former manager. This addiction to fame is clearly a source of anxiety and conflict for his psyche as the 3s desire for fame clashes with the 4s need for privacy. But I still think the 3 agenda wins out. George Michael continues to be famous because he wants it that way. He has no problem doing things to get in the tabloids during unproductive stretches, and he sure knows how to promote himself during the productive times.

9. SWITCHING GEARS. It is my personal theory (which I’ve patented) that many people switch gears mid-life toward their wing as a way of broadening their options and evolving. That is, sometimes the wing appears to take over or at least becomes more salient. I believe this to be the case with George Michael. His 4 wing has become more prominent with each decade but I still think he will always be primarily a 3.

Okay, I’m exhausted. Comments anyone? Yvonne?

George Michael on American Idol

Last night's performance was fantastic -- and I usually don't like "Praying for Time" all that much. I love the way Paula Abdul, who was his choreographer in the 80s, stood rapt and teary-eyed throughout the performance. When he first appeared on stage, she was standing and rooting for him like a cheerleader (which she once was). It's good to see GM back on American television, and now that ELI STONE has been renewed, hopefully we'll see more of him again next season.

Entertainment Weekly Article

I know, this is from last month (or even the month before) so it's kind of lame posting this, but whatever ...

Short interview from a full page article in Entertainment Weekly:

Q: Why come to America now?

George Michael: I have no real intention of reawakening my career in America. I’m coming over to play because there are a million people in America that stood by me. I’m there to say thank you, and slink off.

Q: Then what?

George Michael: I want to divorce myself from pretty much everything public after the tour. In the future, I don’t want to be making and releasing physical CDs, and I don’t think I want to be charging people for my music.

Q: Were you inspired by the way Radiohead and Nine Inch Nails released their latest albums?

George Michael: Well, I love Radiohead. But I don’t expect [lead singer Thom Yorke] to be a big fan of mine.

Q: Why not?

George Michael: Because most really good rock musicians are musical fascists. They think that anything that’s got R&B attached to it is shit.

Q: What made you want to write a memoir?

George Michael: I’ve done too many stupid things for there not to be movies made about me when I’m dead, so I might as well write the script.

Q: Do you consider this a comeback?

George Michael: It essentially is … It’s going to be quite entertaining.

George Michael and Morrissey Discuss Music Circa 1984

Controverial Statements about 9/11

I’m writing this off-topic because I need to get away from George Michael for a while. So here it goes…

Here in America, September 11 is the most holy of national tragedies. Two people of some notoriety in their respective fields, however, have come out with similar statements about the event that were considered blasphemous and insensitive. Below are the quotes:

"I had not the slightest emotional reaction. I thought, 'This is a really strange art project.' It was the most amazing sight in terms of sheer elegance. It fell like water. It just slid, like a turtleneck going over someone's head."
– Elizabeth Wurtzell, American author of “Prozac Nation,” a book about her experiences with depression.

“The thing about 9/11 is that it's kind of like an artwork in its own right ... Of course, it's visually stunning and you've got to hand it to them on some level because they've achieved something which nobody would have ever have thought possible - especially to a country as big as America. So on one level they kind of need congratulating, which a lot of people shy away from, which is a very dangerous thing."
-- Damien Hirst, English artist, on September 10, 2002

Both comments were met with a storm of disbelief and rage. Both people had to pay a heavy price for their honest opinions. Elizabeth Wurtzell did the interview to promote the same-titled movie based on her book, which, because of her comment, was shelved indefinitely and only later quietly released on DVD. Damien Hirst had to immediately issue an apology for his comment.

What do you think of these comments and do you think public reaction was justified? Remember, these two people are only expressing their honest opinions and reactions aloud.

George Michael on THIS IS YOUR LIFE

Couldn't Have Said It Better Myself ...

From “Willhare” on the forums of the Official George Michael Site (with his permission):

AN OPEN LETTER TO GEORGE MICHAEL

George, I know you are ramping up for the new tour. I have read lots of posts on here, I've been to other chat rooms, I've talked to a lot of my old friends, and I have heard a lot of the same things. I wanted to let you know that I will have a great time at your show, and many others will, but my fear is that there could be a lot of uncomfortable silences in your shows if you rely too heavily on your newer stuff. And if the audience as a whole is not into it, it would lessen the impact. The crowd's energy makes or breaks the show, you know that. I know I sound like a casual fan, but I am far from that. At this moment, I am shaking with excitement at seeing you (I feel that I hit the lottery because I have a FRONT ROW seat for the Phoenix show, and I only paid face value!) because I never saw you in 88 or 90. You defined my teenage years, as Faith came out when I was a senior in high school. Through and John and Elvis are Dead give me chills every time I hear them. But even as a huge fan, I became a devoted follower because I loved and still love I Want Your Sex, Monkey, One More Try, and Battlestations. I know many American fans feel the same way. But I worry about the crowd's reaction if you don't change too much from your UK tour.

One of the reasons the UK crowds got into everything was that they knew most of the songs and were singing along with everything, which afforded the opportunity for you to turn the mike to the audience so they could sing along, too. Nearly everything you've recorded since 2000 has (sadly) been ignored stateside. People can't sing along to songs they don't know. And American audiences are strange. I keep bringing this up in other posts, but Queen came here after a 24 year absence, and even though they played many, many huge hits, the audiences still didn't sing along to "Love of My Life," a song that everyone else in the world knows to sing along to, but in America they didn't. And no one did the hand-clapping for "Radio Ga-Ga," another thing that is done everywhere else in the world. They had to work very hard to get the audiences on their side. If they decided to not play their hits, their tour would have sunk. It is an apt comparison because they sold out their UK tour, just like you did. The UK is where you still reign. America is not the same for you. Many still love you, but in a way, you have to remind America why they bought millions of your records. Of course, we will sing every word of Faith and Father Figure and Careless Whisper, but not Flawless.

I was looking at some of your set lists for the UK tour, and of the songs you played, 7 or 8 songs out of 22 were hits that Americans would know. Not a good ratio for a tour that is to be a retrospective of your career. Only 2 songs from Faith? TWO SONGS??? It was that album that allowed you to do whatever you wanted. There will be many, many, many fans who will leave very disappointed if that's all you do. And only three from Prejudice? All that's needed is two more songs from each album instead of four unknown songs and you'd have a nice mix. You very well might do that, I have no idea. But recent interviews haven't given me any hope.

I read the USA Today article where you talked about hating to tour and hating hotel rooms, and how he dislikes singing "Careless Whisper," not to mention refusing to sing two huge hits because he's "too old." 44 is not old, and all we're asking as US fans is for you to sing his hits one last time. You have 21 dates in North America. That's only 21 times to sing songs you may not like to sing. This is not a case of you promoting an all-new album, this is a GREATEST HITS tour. To leave out so many hits in that type of tour is a recipe for a lackluster tour. You have toured only three times in twenty years. The least you can do is pull out just a few more hits, that's all. Make it a 13-10 or 12-11 split. 10 or 11 new or lesser-known songs give you a lot of wiggle room. The Stones are ancient, but they sing Brown Sugar and Satisfaction, and many other songs that they've played thousands of times, and they tour constantly.

George, you shouldn't rely on the fact that your die-hard fans will love you even if all you did was sing the phone book (which we will). But there are still lots of tickets out there, waiting to be bought by a fan base that is unsure of what you're going to do. Rightly or not, Youtube showed us what you did in the UK, so some might be asking themselves if that's the kind of show they want to pay a week's pay to see. The Internet is an unforgiving medium, so expectations have been set for you even before you sing one note in front of us.

I know you know this, but in addition to the hits, you need to get out and promote POSITIVELY, not complain about how much you dislike doing the thing that we are paying to see. Get on shows and do some live songs, like on Letterman or Saturday Night Live. You hate promotion, I know, but I'm sure you would hate a cold audience FAR more. Don't fight the audiences that love you, George! Show the skeptics that you want to rock us, to entertain us, that you want to be dancing on the stage. I can see it in your face that you enjoyed the shows while you were doing them, but the recent words in print conflict with the joy you experienced on stage in Europe.

Please, George, I hope you read these posts. I love you and love your music, but I want the American masses to re-embrace you, to remember the days when you drove Americans crazy. You can show us that you are a serious artist, because you are a serious artist. Not too many people can write over 13 #1 songs. That takes a genius that nearly no one has. You can't grow in the future if you don't embrace and incorporate your past. Just because you wore certain clothes or danced a certain way doesn't mean that the music was bad. Quite the opposite. You are the most talented solo artist I have ever heard. So don't be embarrassed by your earlier fame and music. It rocked, as does your new stuff, but they all must be a part of you. You are one of the best songwriters ever, be it Precious Box or Hard Day. They are both brilliant, and they both could and should be played on your tour.

You've said that this is your last big tour. So make it a big, big tour. In the USA Today article that you want to give us the best show that we've ever seen. I know the light show will be brilliant, and your voice is the draw, but we want the "party" atmosphere that you apparently didn't like in the UK. This tour should be a party, a celebration, so celebrate with us, give us the strong memories along with a glimpse of the future. You can still groove and be serious at the same time. I know you don't belong to us, but you also said that we don't belong to you. So meet us halfway. We will be there to meet you.

I love you and wish you nothing but the best.

See you soon,

An American Fan

Season Finale of ELI STONE

Wow, that was a GREAT finale. Nice way to wrap up a show whose future is uncertain. You can watch a clip of it at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bjwAFo4OErc. George just swings in it.

For those wanting to sign a petition to have the show renewed for the next season, go to: http://www.thepetitionsite.com/2/save-eli-stone. The petition is going straight to the President of the ABC network.

Ciao.

New Art on George's Wall?

This is art done by the graffiti artist Banksy, who was recently approached by a certain George Michael to paint some of his walls in his London home. Banksy is to be paid in the realm of $2 million and will paint the place under the condition that nobody be around, including George. Looks pretty cool doesn't it? You can catch more of his work at his website at: http://www.banksy.co.uk/menu.html

Get Psyched!

Isn't this the coolest picture?! This is Emily meeting George Michael right after the taping of the Oprah show in May, 2004. She waited behind the tv studio and got to catch his limousine leaving the place. Smart girl!

GEORGE MICHAEL TICKETS for the North American Tour go on sale this weekend (possibly today) for the public. Be sure to catch him while you can! This is his last major tour and the first visit to America in 17 years. He's only playing one venue for one night in most cities, so tickets are sure to sell out fast.

I already got my tix from the fan club. San Diego (opening night) and Chicago. I am so excited!!!!!!!!

GM’s American Acting Debut on Eli Stone

Last night, in the episode titled “I Want Your Sex” of ELI STONE, George Michael played himself. So how was he? Totally natural and believable (well, he was, after all, playing himself – duh!). It was a pleasure to watch and hopefully there will be more of GM in earthly form in the future. He definitely proved himself to be a reliable and consistent actor. Even if you had no idea who he was, you would not have known that he never did this before.

Congratulations George on a job well done.

Greg Berlanti, the show’s creator, must be a really big GM fan because the show’s been incredibly generous to GM’s image. Seriously, GM couldn’t ask for a better vehicle for his career in America. The show is definitely re-introducing GM to America and last night’s episode casted GM in an especially complimentary light, portraying GM as a wise and benevolent human being just trying to lend helping hand to a teenager wrongfully expelled from school.

HIGHLIGHT: About midway through the program, a fantastic commercial came on advertising GM’s upcoming North American Tour. You can watch it at: http://fr.youtube.com/watch?v=A0gbUqGLRN8

A really good synopsis and analysis of the episode can be found at AfterElton: (http://www.afterelton.com/blog/brianjuergens/george-michael-eli-stone-watch-without-prejudice?&comment=36775)

For those who missed last night’s airing, you can soon watch the whole episode on ABC’s website (http://www.abc.com/). Just click on FULL EPISODES and scroll down to ELI STONE. Last night’s episode should already be up and running by the time you read this. Enjoy!

It's Happening, It's Happening ...

The North American Tour that is! Go to GM's official website for ticket and sale details (see LINKS section in sidebar). Whoo-Hoo!! Basically fanclub members can buy tickets from the website starting March 31; there's a special iTunes package that becomes available tomorrow. The public sale for tickets begins April 6. Below are the dates:

June 17: San Diego/San Diego Sports Arena

June 19: San Jose, Calif./HP Pavilion

June 21: Las Vegas/MGM Grand

June 22: Phoenix/US Airways Center

June 25: Los Angeles/Great Western Forum

July 2: Seattle/Key Arena

July 4: Vancouver/General Motors Place

July 7: St. Paul/Xcel Energy Center

July 9: Chicago/United Center

July 13: Dallas/American Airlines Center

July 14: Houston/Toyota Center

July 17: Toronto/Air Canada Centre

July 18: Montreal/Bell Centre

July 21 and 23: New York/Madison Square Garden

July 26: Philadelphia/Wachovia Center

July 27: Boston/TD Banknorth Garden

July 29: Washington, D.C./Verizon Center

July 31: Atlanta/Philips Arena

Aug. 2: Tampa/St. Pete Times Forum

Aug. 3: Sunrise, Fla./Bank Atlantic Center

Lazy Picture Day

GM's Autobiography

Back in September 2006, I predicted GM would sit down and write a tell-all book. Well, now that GM has signed a multi-million dollar book publishing deal with Murdoch-owned HarperCollins, the following is a list of things he must put in his autobiography:

1. Exactly what is it that Sony head Tommy Mottola said to him that made him decide to sue to get out of his contract?

2. What happened between him and Andros, his cousin, that caused such a permanent rift?

3. What were some of the “really horrible things of his childhood” that he referred to once in an interview?

4. What was his relationship with Kathy Yeung like? Do they remain friends?

5. What was it like dating Brooke Shields?

6. His drug use over the years and, especially, favorite ecstasy moments.

7. The orgies he’s claimed to have been in – details.

8. The inspiration behind so many of his lyrics – to whom were those songs directed, etc.

9. His music writing process, then and now.

10. His sex life as a teenager and early adult years – the bisexual phase.

Seasons Greetings and a Happy New Year

If there is light in the body, there is beauty in the person.
If there is beauty in the person, there is harmony in the house.
If there is harmony in the house, there is order in the nation.
If there is order in the nation, there is peace in the world.

George as You've Never See Him ...

From the upcoming Catherine Tate Christmas Special. If anyone has any news about this, please do tell. Don't his feet look cute?

Return of Erotica

Several months ago I was feeling weird about the erotica I was writing about GM and had them pulled. I no longer feel weird about it so I re-posted them. They are threaded throughout this blog, so you'll have to search around but they are there. I don't expect to be writing any new erotica any time soon (got a little burned out) but who knows, maybe in a few months I'll write another threesome/bisexual story. We all love those, right?

UPDATE: So look for Sixteen, Bisexual Relapse, Los Angeles, To Russia With Love, Second Date (about Kenny), and George and Jules by just scrolling down. I've paginated it so that all the posts are on this page. (TIP: Press CTRL + F to do a search by title).

Lazy Picture Day

Art or Murder?

This piece, entitled "Saint Sebastian Exquisite Pain" is on display at the Goss-Michael Gallery in Dallas, Texas. It is an actual mutiliated cow preserved in formaldehyde. Saint Sebastian was a martyred saint and is often linked with persecution of homosexuality. This piece is by English artist Damien Hirst.

Do you think it is justified to have a cow killed and thus displayed for the sake of art?

*UPDATED* Favorite Search Engine Terms

Below are some rather amusing search engine terms people have used to get to this site:

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UPDATE:
George Michael caught masturbating by cop
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MORE UPDATES:
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George Michael Writes Column

Back in 2005, George Michael actually penned the following article for an American gay-interest magazine as a guest columnist (this may have something to do with the fact that he is an old acquaintance of then editorial director, Judy Wieder). The article is reprinted here in its entirety:

“Is It Time the English Were More Afraid of God?”
By George Michael for The Advocate magazine, published on June 21, 2005.

I can tell you to the day the last time I stepped into a church for something other than a wedding or a funeral. That’s not because I have a remarkable memory, it’s just that it was Christmas Eve, and because I so rarely park my arse on a pew. Some friends had joined my partner, Kenny, and me for the holiday, and having watched some dreadful Xmas telly and downed a few bottles of vino, someone suggested that we go to church for midnight mass. And rather than laughing and asking that person to pass the spliff, I found myself standing by the door in my winter coat as my guests searched drunkenly for their shoes, making jokes about whether they would let us in once they saw the state we were all in.

Of course, this moment of festive cheer (I would be lying if I called it more than that) was only made possible by our proximity to the local Protestant church. It was practically in the back garden. I am lucky enough to own a beautiful 16-century house on the River Thames, and it’s adjacent to a magnificent Saxon church. We all stood at the kitchen door and listened as the sound of Christianity floated toward the river. It was a hymn none of us recognized – but then why would we?

As my trashed mates and I shuffled noisily into the pew closest to the church door, I looked at the sea of gray heads ahead of me and suddenly felt a little guilty. There were five of us, and none of us ever went to church ordinarily. We were there to add a little romance to our drunken Christmas break, but (despite the weakness of heart in their singing) these men and women were at midnight mass because they believed. Grandmothers and fathers, widows and widowers – the only remaining evidence of a gentler, kinder, terribly English generation. They had used this little village church to get through wars. To pray for those they had lost. To celebrate marriages and births, to ask for guidance, or to beg for God’s forgiveness. To get through 70 or 80 years of life.

I remember feeling glad that no one noticed us. We were sitting at the back of the classroom giggling uncontrollably because one of us had just farted.

Much as I am amused by the thought of five tipsy queens rejoicing in their rejection by laughing at the back of a church during Christmas Eve mass, it wasn’t like that at all. The fact is, Kenny and I were the only shirt-lifters on show that night. My (straight) friends and I showed so little respect in church for one simple reason: We grew up in England. And in England, for every man or woman who goes to church on a Sunday, there are 99 who don’t. Less than 1% of the English are God-fearing people. In fact, on the day of rest, they are all at Ikea.

I bet you think I’m joking, don’t you? I’m really not. The reason I am telling you all of this is that I know that you are an American. And unless you are reading this article in a friend’s house or a waiting room somewhere, you are almost certainly bent as a nine-bob note, as we English like to say. Which in turn means that you are a homosexual living in a country where more than 60% of the country is taught that you and your kind are going to end up at the hottest circuit party in town. A country that’s moving slowly but surely to the right for all to see. And now, at the very moment that American culture is at its most influential, the most powerful, some of your neighbors have begun to search for answers in the past, and more specifically, in the Good Book.

And no amount of Will or Grace is going to make up for the sight of George W. Bush receiving a standing ovation in Congress as he steps into his time machine to protect the country from fags and dykes like us.

So I have a question to ask, one gay person to another. I know you can’t answer it fully, but who else am I supposed to ask?

As a gay Englishman, should I be more afraid of God?

I’ve never had a problem with God, you see. (The God that Americans are presented with day after day would, I think, have a few problems with me, but we’ll come back to that.) In the England of my childhood, God could be described only as a fading presence, really. Two hundred children would hum vaguely decipherable hymns around me in the main hall each morning, and every once in a while I’d have to stop picking my nose to pretend I was looking for a number in my hymn book, but school had already become a secular environment for all intents and purposes.

It was the ‘70s, and by then the historical victims of the British Empire had been tricked into becoming the postwar labor force in England. The Sikh and Hindu children I sat next to in class didn’t have a lot to say about Jesus, and being English and feeling terribly guilty about that whole empire business, we didn’t want to start waving Bibles around and reminding them what fascists we had once been.

I for one think that was a pretty good call. If guilt is the bedrock of the multicultural society England has steadily become, then long live guilt. My father is one of those seduced by England in the ‘50s, and London remains the most convincing example of a melting pot in the world. And if you think the United States is getting there – well, I’m sorry, but you need to dust off that passport once in a while.

If all this guilt was beneficial to the cause of racial integration, its knock-on effect was beneficial to us. One of the by-products of a more secular society is, of course, a lack of brimstone and fire when it comes to homosexuality. The two go hand in hand. In fact, there really ought to be a campaign to make Henry VIII the patron saint of English queerdom. Without his arrogance the English would still be Catholic, and we would probably have our own Mel Gibsons and Dubyas to deal with. The lack of interest with which THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST was greeted in England made me proud of my country (for the first time in a while), and if that sounds excessive, bear in mind I’d been in Texas when it was released stateside. Between that and the hysteria over gay marriage at the time, it was an unsettling few weeks to be in America.

Even though it didn’t take a genius to work out that Bush’s timing was purely political (a sorely needed distraction to the hell on earth that Iraq had become), the fact was that it worked. People all over America lost interest in young men and women losing their lives in the name of oil, their heads swinging in the direction of the tv as they caught the words “marriage,” “gay,” and – lest we forget – “sanctity.”

Jesus wept. And who could blame him.

When I look at Kenny sometimes I wonder how much more it took to be the gay son of a Texan. Our separate struggles with family and sexuality were not that different, but mine was not accompanied by the sound of church bells. I have the feeling that for him, they were never far away. I would go as far as to say that people who attend church regularly are regarded with something close to suspicion by most of my generation in England. As a result the politics of religion won’t play a part in the way we vote any time soon. Will it?

In a sick twist, immigration, the very thing that watered down the Church of England and protected English gay men from the ferocity of religious persecution, has become the new enemy to watch out for. As fundamentalism sweeps across America in the form of Bush and his new fan club, gays and lesbians on this side of the pond find themselves in the dreadful position of sharing our soapbox with racists. We’re not afraid of our soft old village vicar. But we are beginning to worry about Allah. Emboldened by their own persecution, Muslim clerics here are beginning to spout some very scary stuff indeed in public, the kind of rhetoric that bishops and archbishops have had to stifle for the past 40 years.

Devout Christians and hard-line Muslims have found common political ground, and it’s called Us.

Is it really possible that immigration, the saving grace of English queerdom, will eventually lead the charge against us?

It is June 2005, and Tony Blair has just won his third term as Britain’s prime minister, despite the public’s complete lack of trust in his politics (and his friends). “Faith schools” are booming, and immigration played a large and unnerving part in the preelection campaigning that barked at us from the tv all day, every day, in the weeks before the May vote. The lowest common denominator rules. No one cares.

The English are palpably losing their identity in a sea of reality shows and American business models, and somewhere in the distance I could swear I hear a bell ring. Or should that be toll?

So maybe those of us giggling at the back should shut up for a bit. The joke may be on us soon enough.

Rent This DVD

Movie: “Year of the Dog”
Written and Directed by: Mike White (“The Good Girl” and “Chuck and Buck”)
Starring: Molly Shannon, Peter Sarsgaard, John C. Reilly, Laura Dern

What It’s About: Secretary Peggy, played by Molly Shannon of SNL fame, begins a journey of questioning and transformation after her beloved beagle, humorously named Pencil, accidentally dies.

Why You Should See It: Hysterically poignant, the movie demonstrates writer Mike White’s empathetic ability to capture real people in their daily struggles to make meaning in their lives. Everybody has their own strategy, be it animal rights activism, having children, climbing the corporate ladder, or falling in love.

Biggest Strength: Has the quiet, measured insightfulness of a top-notch contemporary short story.

Other Bonuses: Peter Sarsgaard’s spot-on portrayal of a damaged celibate bisexual is priceless.

Web Site of the Week

Box of Fame is truly a labor of love. Transcribing literally hundreds of interviews from 1982 through 2005, someone in Slovakia really does a thorough job archiving some of the best and rarest magazine articles on George Michael. From the early years of “NME” and “Tiger Beat” to more current articles in “The Daily Telegraph,” Box of Fame has it all. What is even more impressive is that not only is this done in Slovakian, but there is a massive English-only and German section as well. As if that weren’t enough, each section is partitioned by year, with reprints of web news articles in chronological order. It’s the perfect timeline to GM’s unpredictable career. They’ve even got the hard-to-find 1988 cover story from “Interview” magazine. A must-see for any diehard fan, Box of Fame can be found at: http://george.michael.szm.sk/.

The Advocate Interview

Following is possibly the best, most personal George Michael interview ever taken. It’s from the American gay magazine The Advocate and it was conducted in October 1998, published in January 1999. Here, George Michael talks to longtime acquaintance Judy Wieder about his sexuality, coming out, women, friends, the arrest, arch-nemesis Boy George, love and relationships, AIDS, and family. It is repreinted here in its entirety…


“All The Way Out George Michael - pop singer George Michael”
The Advocate, Jan 19, 1999, by Judy Wieder

In his first-ever exclusive interview with the gay press, one of pop music's most elusive artists tells all at last

The perfect introduction to this stubbornly candid interview with George Michael took place in Venice, Calif., a week before the actual conversation that follows. The 35-year-old music superstar was in the midst of filming his "Outside" video, using a public bathroom in the sandy beach town to fill in for the Beverly Hills park bathroom he's been forbidden to go near since his April 7 arrest for lewd conduct.

Michael, born Georgios Kyriacos Panayiotou in north London, wore a baseball cap and buried his head in a video monitor while actors dressed as police dragged a struggling man out of the public toilet and into a van. Shading his eyes from the afternoon sun, Michael glanced up at the interviewer, recognized her from a 1986 interview they'd done right after his professional breakup with Wham! collaborator Andrew Ridgeley--and smiled, relieved.

"Sit with me and watch as I record the joys of outdoor public sex," he said with sarcasm. "But don't look over there!" He pointed to a lone photographer who had somehow slipped onto the set. A bodyguard shielded the star with a makeshift curtain. Soon clicking could be heard from a nearby parked car. Two paparazzi shouted to each other in Italian. Michael's manager rushed at them. A helicopter began to circle the area. Someone pointed to the top of a nearby condo. The roof was swarming with men aiming long-distance lenses at the pop star.

"Oh, screw it," Michael groaned. “Let me just wrap up this scene. It kinda fits with what we're filming."

How did foreign photographers know Michael was filming a video in Los Angeles? Why, since the 1993 AIDS death of his first true love, Brazilian designer Anselmo Feleppa, has his homosexuality been belittled in British papers? Where do the tabloids always manage to find pictures of Michael's current boyfriend, Kenny Goss? Why, after a career-long battle to keep his personal life away from the press, is George Michael sitting down with The Advocate and doing what he swore he'd never do?

"People are still telling me to be careful," he sighed. "But at the end of the day, all I can do is be honest. I've reached a very good point of self-acceptance. I don't have any shame about my sexuality. I don't think people are going to desert me because they know more about me--"
Frantic voices drowned out the rest of his sentence as a van drove up to rescue Michael from the multiplying paparazzi. He leaned out and yelled above the din, "Come to my house on Saturday. I'm ready to do this."

And he was. The following interview took place in Michael's Los Angeles home on October 10, 1998.

JW: Obviously your first single and video, "Outside" [from Ladies & Gentlemen ... The Best of George Michael], deals with your arrest. Can you talk more about what went on in that Beverly Hills bathroom?

GM: In the video I introduce the same situation that I was in but with a straight guy in a bathroom. A beautiful young girl comes in--the whole thing about police entrapment is that they don't send in someone you wouldn't even look at twice--so we send in a beautiful young girl. And the guy realizes she's available and kisses her. She changes into a cop--an older, real mean, tough cop. Which makes you think, That's so unfair. That's ridiculous. She came on to him.
Why should people see it differently if it's a guy, if it's male-male sex? So I try to actually make straight people think about that. I try to make them see the basic unfairness of police entrapment.

JW: Actually, we don't know what happened. What got you arrested?

GM: That's exactly what happened. I think it'll be almost patronizing to most gay men to tell what happened. So many of them know exactly what happened.

JW: At first we heard you were alone in the bathroom. Why were all the reports wrong?.

GM: Well, let's say it's fairly likely that there was some cooperation between the police and the paparazzi. I literally got arrested, called my boyfriend--bless his soul--to come pick me up. We went to dinner, and I said, "Darling, the lot will be there by the time we get home." And I was half right. At about 4 in the morning, they were at the house, and by 5 o'clock there were helicopters.

JW: What do you mean by "cooperation between the police and paparazzi?"

GM: There was interaction between the L.A. police and the paparazzi in London. I think the cooperation was between someone who sent the police there as soon as I got to that park because the police station was at the end of the road, literally 600 yards away. And I think the reason that the reports changed so much was because the police were freaked out that it was me they'd arrested. The Beverly Hills police don't want to be seen to be arresting celebrities.

JW: Are you saying the paparazzi tipped off the police?

GM: The person that directed the police there knew, and someone made a lot of money. When other bits of information started coming in and I found out that pictures had been floating around since last year because the guy hadn't been able to sell them--

JW: What pictures?

GM: The pictures that ended up in The Globe and the Enquirer.

JW: Of this arrest?

GM: No, it wasn't of the arrest. The pictures the tabloids used were taken of me in that park the year before. Obviously there was no story without the arrest. It was just me sunbathing in that park where I took my dog quite a lot. With an arrest, those pictures of me were worth somewhere in the vicinity of 100,000 [pounds sterling].

JW: You were just sunbathing?

GM: Yes, and the thing that's really upsetting about those pictures is that I took my shirt off. I never take my shirt off in public, ever. Even when I'm slim I never take my shirt off in public. And the day the picture was taken I was a little overweight. One tabloid headline actually said FAT AND GAY. I just laughed when I read it. I thought, What does that mean? I didn't understand it! It was like, "Here are two things you'd hate to be. And he's both!"

JW: So what did happen in the park and the bathroom?

GM: The truth is that it was just like just about any other entrapment case you've ever heard of. I walked into the bathroom, and literally 30 seconds later someone else walked into the bathroom. As I was leaving the bathroom, I saw this guy who was basically masturbating in front of me. It was the usual thing, a good-looking guy. I certainly didn't look at him and think, Oh, that must be a cop. And actually, nothing happened at all other than me returning the favor in kind from about eight feet away. And then he walked straight past me and out, at which point I thought, Oh, he obviously wasn't impressed, you know? Something was not happening for him.

JW: Wow. What did you do then?

GM: I left immediately. It's not even like I was loitering or anything. I left thinking that it was probably just as well anyway that he walked out. And as I was walking back to the car, they arrested me. It was standard entrapment. There was absolutely no one else around apart from the backup cop halfway through the park, who I couldn't see at the time. I made that slipup, and they got me straight away.

JW: No one else observed this?

GM: No, and the remarkable thing to me in that situation is, Who's to know what really went on in there? I'm quite sure in their business--however they're trained to do this kind of stuff, and apparently they are--I'm quite sure the actual official training does not involve taking your penis out and getting that involved. But who's to say that he did that? Only him and me. There were only the two of us in there. Why does the word policeman in a situation like that mean more than the word citizen? I thought that in almost any kind of criminal situation there had to be some kind of evidence other than a policeman's word. I'm not saying for a moment that I did the right thing by responding. In the end I responded, and there was a crime committed--however pathetically small I may think the crime was. But I was responding to someone who was already doing it.

JW: Were you scared when they nabbed you?

GM: People said I was crying, but I was furious. I said, "This is ridiculous. This is entrapment. I know exactly what this is. I'm gonna have to shout entrapment."

JW: Had you done that before, gone to that bathroom?

GM: No. But I've been in that park.

JW: I have since heard the park referred to as "a reputed cruising area for homosexuals."

GM: I've since read that that was well-known, but I doubt it because it's a very quiet park in the middle of Beverly Hills. How many bathrooms in L.A. are not well-known cruising spots?
JW: Why were you there?

GM: What do you mean? Oh, I'm not saying that I didn't go there to cruise, and I have to say, as far as cruising spots go, it's pretty glamorous--a beautiful park, beautiful people, you know. It's not a position I would have normally put myself in. I saw the situation; I thought the guy was cruising; I walked straight into the trap--bang. And it was immediate; they were right after me.

JW: Did you consider denying it?

GM: No. I think to have denied it would've been really stupid. I'm not sorry that it happened. I'm glad that it happened--which at the same time makes me wonder whether I subconsciously allowed it to happen.

JW: Well, I was working up to ask you that.

GM: Oh, yeah! Look, I'm 35 now. I don't think you can base your sexuality around anything other than the people you fall in love with. When I was younger I slept with men and women, and I didn't fall in love at all. I was kind of underdeveloped that way. I would have brief relationships. If you sleep with both sexes and you think you're having relationships, well, it's kinda confusing. The other thing is, as a celebrity, you're given all kinds of choices you really don't want.

JW: Like?

GM: I went from being a relatively unattractive child in school to becoming famous. I was suddenly given the opportunity to have sex whenever I wanted it. I had way too much sex with way too many people, most of them women but some men. And because I had no emotional understanding of myself, all of it was fairly unsatisfying. Also, I would choose men that were completely unavailable or who were similarly confused sexually. When I did finally allow myself to get into a relationship where there was real commitment going, I was 27. From then on, I believed I was gay.

JW: So falling in love was what ended your conflict?

GM: Yes, exactly. I'm one of those people whose sexuality obviously was ambiguous to people. And I was attractive to young girls, so automatically I became a focus for them. But was that fake? No. So I had to contend with that. All the time I was trying to figure out why it was that I wasn't making relationships that lasted or why it was I felt so lonely. I never had a moral problem with being gay. Obviously, as a young man who was adored by millions of young girls, the convenient thing was to think, Well, hopefully I'm going to find that woman that I'll fall in love with one day. But I wasn't finding her.

JW: You never fell in love with a woman?

GM: No. I thought I was. I thought I had a couple of times. I also thought I had with men--and then I realized that none of those things had been love. I realized that I was just trying to work myself out.

JW: You fell in love eight years ago. Why didn't you come out then?

GM: Because I'm a very proud person, and I have a very hard time with authority, which has to do with my upbringing. I had a very strict father.

JW: I don't understand.

GM: If you tell me that I have to do something, I'm going to try not to do it. And what people don't understand in the equation of my relationship with the press is that I've had people talking and writing about my sexuality since I was 19 years old. Andrew Ridgeley and I were immediately the center of a lot of gossip. Although Andrew is completely straight, and I thought I was bisexual at the time.

JW: I'm still not sure why your relationship with the press kept you from coming out.

GM: If you think about it, someone who is as motivated as me to become a star is driven by insecurity and the need for recognition and autonomy--so that you can't be controlled, so that you have freedom. And once you get in that position, one of the only entities that tries to control you is the press. Because you don't have many people to answer to. But the press tries to make you answer to them and to the public all the time. So, I had this thing of, "Fuck you! I'm not going to give you my private life! I'm just trying to work it out myself, thank you very much!" And by then it was like two dogs with a bone. I kept trying to see how I could be clever and retain my dignity, not denying my sexuality but not giving them the three words they wanted.

JW: Ugh ... how exhausting!

GM: God, yes! What I've realized in this whole last six months is just how much energy I was giving them. Recently there were loads of pictures all over the papers just because someone spotted me holding hands with Kenny. When I'm out with Kenny, I'm very physical with him. When I was with my last boyfriend--the one that really started my gay life, as it were--I didn't hide. We traveled together, we shared bedrooms; we never hid. I just knew one day the press was going to go for it. I never thought it would happen this way. But I thought, When it happens, it happens, but I'm not giving it to them. I'm not going and doing a special interview.

JW: Like this one?

GM: [Laughing] Yes, well then, here we are. But what I realize is that I actually allowed people to think I was miserable, closeted, and that that was why I was reclusive--as opposed to being sick of the way these people write about me. I let people think, He feels this is something to hide. I let people think the issue was my sexuality, not my privacy. And the interesting thing is that the moment there was no privacy, I realized that that's all the issue was. Not one part of me has any problem with people knowing I'm gay.

JW: So did the press win?

GM: Well ... but I had my way because they had to drag it out of me. They had to go to that extreme. OK, it was humiliating, but I was not a party to it. I didn't go and volunteer it and say, "OK, I'm gonna give you what you want because I'm tired of it." Actually, it didn't change my life because from the moment I met Anselmo, I was out in my own life with everyone immediately.
JW: With your parents too?

GM: No, I didn't come out with my mother and father until immediately after my first boyfriend, Anselmo, died. It was horrible, but the day after he died I wrote my parents a letter. It was such an easy letter to write. I felt that when he died he was passing a gift, saying, "I introduced you to yourself, and I opened you up to everyone you loved except your mom and dad. And you have to deal with that." So I wrote them a letter and saw them as soon as I got home after I'd been to Anselmo's funeral in Brazil. And everything was fine; it was wonderful. Of course, they were more concerned that I had just lost my partner than that I'd actually finally said what they already knew.

JW: Your father knew?

GM: Yeah, because I hadn't had a serious girlfriend for three or four years.

JW: When Anselmo died and you came out to your parents, were they worried about your health?

GM: No, because I told them that I'd been tested immediately when I found out that he was sick. And my parents know that I wouldn't lie to them. Obviously AIDS would be a concern to any parent that hasn't confirmed that their child is gay, but I think that my mom and dad weren't worried about that. They know I'm a very cautious person--[smiles] apart from the cruising.

JW: No comment. How did your father react to your arrest?

GM: He was great, actually. He called me the next day and said, "Tell them all to fuck off! You are who you are." I was very impressed with that.

JW: Since he was the strict authoritarian in your life--and you say that anybody trying to control you reminds you of your experiences with him--was it liberating for you to tell him?

GM: To be honest, that whole period was such a blur because of the grief. I know that by the time my mother died last year, I thought it was quite amazing that we hadn't actually been open with each other until three years before. There was absolutely no difference in the relationship. It didn't make us closer because we were already very close. I just thought of how awful it would have been for her to have died without knowing, without us actually having talked about it. But my parents were fine about it. I knew they would be.

JW: Then why didn't you tell them before?

GM: I think I was more worried whether my father would blame my mother, the usual things. You know? But when I told them, I realized that the only people I was actually hiding from were the press.

JW: Did the gay community appear to be annoyed with you for not coming out?

GM: Yes, but I find that the people who think that way are not as connected with their families as the people who have a more moderate view of how they want to come out. For instance, there are people for whom it would be ridiculous to pretend that they're not gay. The way they grew up, their mannerisms--I genuinely believe that for some people, they never had a choice but to deal with it from a very early age. And it's easy to understand why those people don't understand the people who aren't that cut-and-dry. I think very often that people who are plainly gay don't understand when people who are not as plainly gay have other issues to contend with.

JW: Choices come with problems too?

GM: Yes. But as soon as I fell in love, it was all clear. All the choices that I thought I was weighing were gone. You can only be proud of your sexuality when it's bringing you joy. Until you love someone, it's not necessarily bringing you joy. But without love, all of these issues seem kind of murky.

JW: Maybe that's why Boy George--more "plainly gay"?--needled you for years about being closeted.

GM: Exactly. And what were his choices? He makes it absolutely clear that he could never be anything else other than what he is. Boy George--since Wham!--has been trying to out me. He knew I had boyfriends. I refused to rise to the bait with him. I've always turned the other cheek. At the end of the day, his motives are so transparent. He's never said anything that really bothered me until his Advocate article this year ["Boy Will Be Boy," June 23].

JW: Oh, dear.

GM: He's always said horrible things, but in that article he said that I thought I was too good for the gay community. I felt like that was really over the top. He did an article directly after I was arrested--interestingly enough, he writes a column for one of the tabloids, which is exactly where I think he belongs. It's an English tabloid called Daily Mail. It's also pretty right-wing and homophobic. I think it's quite interesting that he writes for them, so I guess he'll go for anyone who pays him. For a gay man, his attitude toward me is identical to the paparazzi's. The first article he wrote was all about how concerned he was for me and that we were sisters under the skin and all this stuff. But he was just gloating and pretending not to gloat. And then I think he realized that people didn't care. So at that point he did that interview with The Advocate. And when he said that stuff about how I thought I was too good for the community, I just thought, You are now clutching at straws! You are thinking that I've been humiliated and people are still not turning against me, so what can you say now to get me in trouble? Because to say that I'm some kind of snob when it comes to the gay community, trying to tum people against me by making out like I had some sort of prejudice against gay people--I'm sorry. Am I too good for the gay community? No. Am I too good for the likes of Boy George? Yes.

JW: Do you have many gay friends?

GM: No, the vast majority of my friends are straight. The people I grew up with are straight, and I spent the first half of my adult life doing all the same things as they did, really. I think my straight friends were a lot more worried about me than they ought to have been after the arrest because, well, they're straight. I don't have the gay friends who would automatically think, Oh, this has happened to a lot of us. I didn't have that kind of support, which made me feel for the first time in my life that it was difficult that I didn't grow up amongst gay people.

JW: You know Elton [John].

GM: Oh, yeah, I know Elton. It's not like I don't have any gay friends. But my closest friends are straight--most of whom are still with me from a time before I was famous. It was difficult because I wanted to explain to them that the arrest wasn't the big deal they thought it was. The women especially don't understand it. I think it's difficult for gay women to understand gay men's sexuality, let alone for straight women.

JW: Men--gay or straight--understand each other better.

GM: Straight men don't find it easy to get quick casual sex with attractive women without paying for it. They normally have to do a lot of groundwork. They are different hunts, but they are still hunts. I've been there with my mates in clubs when we were younger, cruising for women. I know all the stupid games you have to play. I also know the lack of game-playing that goes on between gay men. Men have that easy access to meaningless casual sex, which gives them a totally different thrill. I don't think you can explain that to women.

JW: Dare I ask you about monogamy? Remember the video you did for "I Want Your Sex," where you wrote the words "explore monogamy" on a woman's back? That probably seems like a lifetime ago to you.

GM: [Laughing] It wasn't that long ago. It was around '86 or '87 when I last saw you. And at the time, I believed in it. I still believe in monogamy as an ideal. I'm not saying that I'm perfectly comfortable with my sexuality in terms of my enjoyment of casual sex. And that's coming from someone who really would like to be monogamous--even though I've failed dismally. I don't know whether I'm capable of it anymore.

JW: Well, what do you want?

GM: I'm not good at self-deprivation. I think part of that comes from being spoiled, having been a celebrity for so long and actually being able to make most of my fantasies come true. It's not that I've given up on monogamy, but I've realized what an ideal it is--for most men especially and gay men in particular, where the availability is there and the social pressure is not. Gay men know each other's motivation.

JW: And you didn't feel this with women?

GM: My relationships with men showed me there is no second-guessing. If a man tries to pretend to you that he doesn't have the same urges as you, he's lying. If a woman tells you that, it could be. But the basis of a relationship between a man and a woman is the sense of the unknown. You're constantly trying to work out each other's boundaries simply because there are areas you just don't understand. That is the mystery of straight relationships. It's the downside and the upside.

JW: Why?

GM: Because on one hand, if you're an honest person, you find it very difficult to not say what you feel. So I find that the openness in gay male relationships is great for me in terms of really making things stronger, getting through the bullshit, having problems but working them out. There's very little misunderstanding between myself and my boyfriend.

JW: How did he feel about the arrest?

GM: He wasn't shocked when this happened. I knew I could call him from the police station and get him to come down and pay my bail.

JW: Did it make your relationship stronger?

GM: Yeah, it's definitely made us stronger. But the issue of monogamy and casual sex had already come up voluntarily on my part. I wanted to be as open as possible with him. See, I can't bullshit myself. In situations where sometimes men and women have to take a deep breath and cross their fingers--which kind of gets them through it--I can't do that with men. We know each other too well. I'm sure two women know each other as well You know the way your sexuality works. I really never knew that in terms of my relationships with women. When I watch my straight friends, I see that mystery between them the whole time. That's what glues straight society together.

JW: Do I sense any regrets about not being straight?

GM: It's all a double-edged sword. I don't look at my earlier life or any of my friends and wish that I had been straight. And I don't really think I'm glad I'm gay. I just know that that's the way it is. There are pros and cons to each. I don't believe either would have made me a happier person. I am the person I am, and my sexuality is secondary to that. I don't believe life would have been easier if I had been straight; I just think life is different--but it's every bit as hard.

JW: In terms of your relationship with Kenny, is it all right with you if he isn't monogamous as well?

GM: I'm very pragmatic. I'm not an emotional hypocrite. Once I've acknowledged my own behavior, I have to be able to say it's OK for my partner.

JW: So it's honesty that holds you together?

GM: Absolutely. When I was younger, with every relationship I thought, Oh, my God, this is the only one. If this one slips through my fingers, I'm going to be a sad and lonely old figure. But I think having gone through bereavement and recovery and then meeting someone else taught me that you can go from that terrible low to that high again. I now know if I cannot have an honest relationship with the person that I'm with, I need to move on to another relationship with someone who's capable of that or who can take that amount of honesty. Having spent the first half of my life in secrecy, I now find secrecy a very threatening thing. I'm terrified of secrets now. If there's something that I feel, I say it. It doesn't matter what happens. I always feel better because I feel we've come closer to the truth.

JW: That's real intimacy.

GM: Exactly. And because of that intimacy, when all this happened, I knew I had someone who would come get me.

JW: Did you call him from jail?

GM: Yes. Poor Kenny. I had to leave a message. He was out working. Can you believe I was stuck in the cell for four hours with a blanket and a copy of the National Enquirer?

JW: You must've thought, Oh, no, this will be all about me next week!

GM: Yes, and it was! It was! I left Kenny a message that said, "Darling, I'm in big trouble. You're going to have to get me from the police station." He called me back and said, "What did you do, darling?" I said, "Use your imagination." And he said, "DUI?" I said, "Fuck--if only. Think again." He said, "Oh no!" I said, "Please just come down and get me." But because of the honesty in the relationship, I wasn't terrified about calling him. My immediate thought was, Thank God I have him.

JW: How long have you been with Kenny?

GM: About 2 1/2 years now. [Waving a photo of Kenny in the latest British tabloid] Where do they get these, darling? [Kenny, a handsome blond from Texas, enters the room, looks at the photo, laughs, and leaves.] It's a nice picture, though, don't you think? Wonder where they got it. We never know.

JW: And then there was a three-year period on your own after Anselmo?

GM: Yes. I was with Anselmo for two years. After that was a total nightmare. It was a difficult time to lose someone--after two years--because I was still really in love with him in such a romantic way. It was also difficult because I felt like I waited so long to find him. Not many people wait until they're 27 to actually have that experience. I literally had five or six months of pure joy before I found out he was ill. Then it was all fear--pure fear. I just wish I'd had a bit longer before I had that ripped away.

JW: Do you remember the first time you heard the word AIDS?

GM: You know, I was just thinking about that. It was when Andrew and I first did personal appearances, and we'd go to five or six clubs a night. We went to straight clubs and gay clubs. Andrew and I didn't realize how homoerotic our image was. We had leather jackets; we had these cuffed jeans. We just thought it was cool. Andrew was the stylist--ironic that it was the straight one that was doing the styling! We did a benefit when the producer for Sylvester died. He was one of the first music industry cases. I remember everyone saying, "It's like a cancer thing that started in New York, and people say only gay people die of it." When I remember conversations like that, it makes my blood run cold.

JW: At what point did you think, My God, this could happen to me!

GM: Almost immediately.

JW: Did it change your behavior?

GM: Immediately. AIDS helped along my self-discovery. The occasional times that I'd invite a man home, I was very careful. There was no way I was having sex without a condom, and there were only certain things I would do. Then i